A long time ago, I was in love. Like, the break-your-heart-can’t-stop-smiling type of in love.

But today I’m not with that person, because being in love is not the end-all, be-all for finding a good partner.

A blogger friend of mine once wrote that she thought she was in love with someone who ended up being wrong for her because his “teeth fit her wounds.”

And that’s it, right? Most of the time that we feel amazingly, swept off our feet in love it’s because of what some psychoanalysts are saying is, “…that we don’t fall in love first and foremost with those who care for us in ideal ways, we fall in love with those who care for us in familiar ways.”

We look for the bite that reminds us of previous pain.

The right sort of abuser, dressed up in a pretty face with a crooked smile. Mmmm. Sexy.

But this is simply a way we continue to hurt ourselves.

We need to break free from familiar patterns that are harmful to us. This includes our toxic relationships with others… as well as the relationship to ourselves.

Taking the time to really examine your truths, the whys behind them, and what it is you truly want, as well as need, is a necessary self care practice.

Like The Book of Life suggests, get out a large sheet of paper and a pen, and spend the time asking yourself the hard questions. Who knows what you will learn.